About four days after mum died I awoke in the middle of a powerful orgasm. This unexpected, and, at the time, confronting event, signaled the reemergence of sexual feelings I thought had gone for ever.
In retrospect it seems likely that sometime early in our three year cohabitation – when our respective sleeping patterns were relatively normal; I must have had some sexual feelings and acted on them in private after mum had gone to bed; however no instance stands out as memorable. The exhaustion of the final eleven months or so of acting as mum’s Carer; when I was out of bed several times a night to check on her as her dementia progressed – and with it, her risk of a fall; blurs all remembrance. In the sleep deprived haze which accompanied mum’s last months on earth I do recall marvelling that couples ever had a second child, so I must have been aware on some level at least that my body was, for all intents and purposes, in shut down mode.
Never the less that orgasm took me completely by surprise…
A week or so later, as I retired a well-loved zucchini to the compost bin, I set out to see if I could find more suitable, safer alternatives for my pleasure – ones that didn’t waste food. Being a single woman whose definitions of “suitable” and “safer” did not in that moment, include another human being (even if there had been such a creature available), I decided to locate a vibrator.
The last time I had been in close proximity to a vibrator was in the 1970’s. The 1970’s were interesting times for young “liberated” women, and while vibrators were pretty plain affairs in those days, I remembered them as a useful but uninspiring alternative to fruit and veg. even in those days.
My initial problem of where to buy such an item was quickly resolved via the wonders of modern technology. Vaguely aware that there were female friendly retail sites online, I had no trouble locating a likely candidate using the keywords along the lines of: ‘buy women’s vibrator Australia’. I chose a site that seemed to be focussed on women’s pleasure, then, a little bug eyed at the extensive menus on offer I clicked on the word “vibrator” and allowed myself to fall down the rabbit hole, emerging hours later, sleep deprived once more, but a lot more educated, and a little excited.
I’d quickly learned that my old vibrator belonged in an archeological dig, that rabbits were well and truly in the picture – although not in the way I could have imagined, and that there was a device (or several) for stimulating the clitoris in such a way that orgasms were virtually guaranteed. Thoroughly intrigued by claims about the latter, I did my research; comparing brands, claims and prices and reading the titillating reviews for good measure.
Then, with some trepidation I pressed the purchase button…