WARNING: THIS POST MAY BE TRIGGERING FOR SOME PEOPLE.
I read Molly’s post on Kink of the Week with feelings of anger and outrage. It reminded me of how aggressive girls can be to each other, and how well they can calculate degrees of humiliation to inflict on each other. I can appreciate why she feels so strongly about this activity. The intention of those girls was, as far as I can tell was about victimisation, humiliation, power over another and aggression. Oh and pack mentality. Nasty. Vicious.
Following on with the further content of the original discussion, spitting on the faces of people (mostly women) during porn or actual sex is in my regard a rather vile way of enabling negation or the obliteration of identity to the point where the person involved becomes an object, not a human being. Disposable, breakable, but also a challenge to the identity of the victimiser – which is where I see links to Molly’s situation. It’s not quite in the realm of wanting to ‘smash someone’s face in’ (which is why I cannot bear to watch the film Pan’s Labyrinth) but there’s an underlying dynamic involved.
Acts of “functional spitting” in porn on the other hand strike me as lazy, potentially unhygienic and largely for a mainstream audience who seem to be lacking in imagination (or a decent lube).
I also find the idea of reducing people to holes to be fucked, pretty damn challenging too, even if I might sometimes fantasize along those lines. But it occurs to me (and I’m happy to be corrected on this) that the distancing involved in the ‘theatre’ of porn (whether it involves film or just people caught up in the porn dynamic) is substantially different to the intense focusing of energy and sensation which may occur in fantasy and even in sex between consenting adults who have a ‘real world’ connection. Therefore while I also personally find the idea of “humiliation spitting” offputting, and it’s not something I would do, if it’s between consenting adult parties and its their thing, well…
There is however, one more instance of spitting I’d like to share and discuss. I’ve had personal experience with this, Ryan and I engaged in this activity probably twice. For want of another way of putting it I’ll call it erotic spitting. As spitting goes it is mild in its actual physical content but intense in its eroticism and energy. It spins off the intense focusing of energy and sensation I mentioned above, but also off a moment of intense connection and attraction to another. It’s a fleeting activity, not something functional, sustained or the climax of a sexual encounter.
I have no idea how many readers have watched the film Gadjo Dilo, released in 1998. In my opinion its a great movie but hard to obtain now. There are original language chapters on a Youtube channel put out by The Raffitaffi – the only versions I can find online with English subtitles cut out the vital scenes. The film revolves around a young man Stéphane (Romain Duras) travelling around the Romanian countryside recording Gypsy music. He meets an older Gypsy man, a musician named Isidor (Izadore Serban), whose son has just been sent to prison. Isidor becomes a friend and mentor to Stéphane and he becomes a substitute son. Stéphane meets Sabine (Rona Hartner) – lively, spirited, a singer with dance moves to die for even while wearing layers of clothing; and she helps him in his quest to record the music of the area. They have some delicious erotically charged scenes together. I highly recommend you watch the entire film rather than just the bits, as you will see the evolving connection between the two protagonists. If you can’t stream it or buy it, use the chapters on The Raffitaffi channel – you can follow the story easily enough without the subtitles.
On Youtube the following link takes you to chapter 10 and the bit I am concerned with for this post. It occurs when the pair are in a highly aroused if somewhat drunken state (typical of the film throughout) but have not yet engaged in penetrative sex (see between 4.41 and 6.25 mins). They exchange intense words and passionate looks which I presume speak of what they want to do to each other (no English translation unfortunately).
At this point Sabine is so aroused she puts her finger to her lips and collects a tiny amount of saliva. She then spits – like a cat, at Stéphane, who laughs with I suggest, bemusement and delight. She follows that up by turning away to bite the tent pole – because she must do something to dissipate the energy, and the couple are not yet ready for any actual sex, they are enjoying and prolonging the build up, and the uniqueness of each other.
This scene is, I suggest, a world away from either the porn version or the domination dynamics of humiliation spitting. It is, rather I suggest, about an excess of feeling and wanting to give and take everything to and from one’s lover. It’s also about the process of pushing boundaries and testing the limits of new lovers, and in this film, the pair are willing co-conspirators. Sabine is intensely oral in her sexuality, in their initial meeting she laughingly taunts the French Stéphane and his interest in Romany music by singing:
Bite the chain. No bite the cock.
Because on the chain you break your teeth.
The girl is stuck up. When she sucks cock.
She adds salt, pepper and French dressing.
Lick my pussy”
I’ll go out on a limb here and suggest that Sabine’s spitting is an act of oral sex, which does not yet involve physical contact of the usual sort. This changes somewhat as Stéphane moves in behind her and she bites his cheek repeatedly and viciously, while he frigs her over her clothing. It is an act that is extended further into the realm of touch in a later sex scene (chapter 11 in The Raffitaffi channel) when Stéphane licks, bites and sucks Sabine’s toes and feet (this is also a great movie for foot fetishists!) and she then again bites a conveniently placed sapling.
I’d like to suggest that in a way the scenes I’ve highlighted form an erotic bridge between an act of spitting and the use of saliva, which has also been discussed in this weeks posts on Kink of the Week. However, I’ll leave that for you to decide.