Historical Notes for Hair Trigger (2). Please note this is a rant:
These events took place in the early to mid 1970’s at a time when swinging – then often (delightfully) referred to as “wife-swapping”, was overtly popular in Australia. In pre-internet days couples routinely advertised in an Australian publication called The Searchlight seeking for partners. I’m sure a number of other overseas countries had similar publications.
Bob was adamant after the visit in this story that it would be our last, he simply wasn’t attracted to Karen. I’ve never seen Colin again, but I remember him with fondness. We shared a moment of exquisite poetry in what felt like a pile of manure and remembering that moment has triggered another remembrance of my erotic love of hair. However I found out a little while ago that Bob had renewed contact with the couple after we’d separated, and that their kinks were not confined to swinging as I thought at the time. I also found out to my surprise that Bob and his second partner had travelled a lot further down the kink road than I ever imagined.
About 12 years ago Bob and I did the grown up thing and made nice at our daughters wedding, and managed to interact civilly at social occasions from time to time after that. I went to his third wife’s funeral a couple of years ago and recently saw him at a family Xmas lunch, where it was evident that he has some form of dementia. That lunch, however, will be the last time I will spend “family time” with him, even if his mental state remains stable.
This is because I’m very angry about some of the details I recently found out about Bobs’ behavior in the ten years or so following our divorce. Not because he was engaged in some fairly intense kink lifestyle choices, but because he carelessly exposed my daughter to matters she was too young to understand at the time. (Please note my beef is with him and his attitudes and behaviors – which was irresponsible and selfish but not legally criminal – NOT with the responsible and carefully inclusive parenting I see modeled by the kinksters with whom I have regular online contact.)
At the same time he maintained the fiction of being the good and responsible parent in our custody battles, a situation I had no way of challenging at the time. Continuing to pile on the manipulation and emotional abuse which was a feature of our marriage, he inflicted years of damage on both my daughter and myself at every opportunity, through his determination to control our lives, undermine our self-worth and autonomy and employ his hypocritical self-righteousness in relation to our lifestyles. He would have loved to destroy our relationship, but thankfully he never succeeded and we are now closer than ever.
To put this rant in context see the piece of writing I did for Masturbation Monday here.