Fantastic realities


Indie’s answers to TMI Tuesday…

1. Is your sex life more fantasy or reality?

That’s a nonsensical question for me. The last time I had penetrative and oral sex with a human being was around 11 months ago when I celebrated my birthday with a session with sex worker John Oh. Prior to that my libido had been non-existent for around 3 and half years as I negotiated my live-in role as carer to my elderly mum, so the idea of reality / fantasy was immaterial.

As is well documented on my blog my sex drive returned with a vengeance after mum passed away, but apart from the session with John I’ve been reliant on my collection of sex toys for pleasure since that time. From zero masturbation to almost-every-day in twelve months is pretty impressive in my book, and now counts as a satisfying sexual reality for me, especially since I rarely masturbated during any of my relationships. And from no sex toys to around about 45 is also pretty impressive for me.

So my sex life as defined here is definitely a reality, and a pretty fabulous one at that. I no longer define sex as necessarily involving physical interaction with another person. In it’s current form my sex life also involves fantasy, in that IΒ  now routinely read and fantasize during masturbation. Not only that but my sexual activity is also often stimulated by reading and fantasizing. Alongside this I continue to fantasize about and hope for a time when I will have sexual encounters with another human being, the interaction being a vital aspect of sex I do miss sometimes.

While I’m sure there will be opportunities to have casual sex with others sometime in the future, in the last six months or so I have become greatly emotionally and erotically attached to a man who has stated on more than one occasion that he has no intention of having sex with me. It’s taken me a while to accept this, but I do see the wisdom (but also the fear) in his position. However to my joy we have made a form of commitment to each other and are becoming increasingly, deliciously intimate in other ways.This arrangement does not preclude me (or him for that matter) having sex with other people should we choose to do so.

So of course I fantasize about him, I enjoy the regular hugging and incidental physical contact we have immensely and I frequently but not exclusively masturbate while thinking of him. Every development in our emerging companionship brings new and sometimes wonderfully unexpected information and erotic possibilities to light, which then become available for my sessions. We are on a journey together now, and the path could take us in any number of directions in the future.

Therefore my reality involves fantasy, and my fantasies are woven through my reality – there is no separation.

2. If you could hook-up with a past lover (with no repercussions or regret), who would it be and why? (No need to use real names just briefly describe the person and their relationship to you.)

Ryan the younger lover I’ve written about extensively on my blog.Β  Now I have more experience and understanding of kink is I’d like to take up where we left off our youthful explorations.

3. You can only indulge in one of the following sex acts for the rest of your life, which would you choose to enjoy?
a. oral sex, only giving
b. 69
c. oral sex, only receiving
d. mutual masturbation

Masturbation, mutual or otherwise – see my answers above.Β 

4. With each lover do you pay attention to what they want or do you have a repertoire that you stick to when having sex?

It’s become an increasingly broad repertoire, but it’s about the person not the act.
Also the changes in my thinking since I’ve acknowledged my kinkiness and formed the deep emotional and erotic bond I have with my companion would be sufficient for me to give most things a go where he was concerned if it ever came to that. However while I suspect he could introduce me hitherto undreamt of realities my imagination is doing a damn fine job of taking me places we might never go…

5. Do you initiate sex for healthful benefits, e.g., to sleep better or relieve pain?

I masturbate to relieve anxiety and improve my mental state. But pleasure is also about health as well…

Bonus: Do you understand the clitoris?

Now that I’ve taken charge of my own pleasure – I understand her a lot better than I used to. But she is given to surprising me on occasion.


To see who else is revealing the reality of their fantasies, click on the links below:

TMI Tuesday


18 thoughts on “Fantastic realities

  1. I love the picture that is with this post. It is so wonderful to read your post and hear how you have embraced your newly found libido. I am sorry the gentleman friend is not interested in a physical relationship but it is nice having a really good friend though


    Liked by 1 person

    • It is, its very nice. And we are not only very good friends but have a hugging relationship which includes physical intimacies – just not sex. In some ways it feels like extended foreplay lol…
      I’m glad you appreciate the image too…
      Indie x


  2. I am very interested to hear more about this male companion you have now and what a relationship with him involves? Point me to a post? or are you planning to write one yet? xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s my photographer friend, CM. I haven’t written much because our companionate “thing” is still very new. (My huge crush on him is old news). I’ve drafted something, but it’s feeling very special and precious and I need to feel sure it’s real before I publish.
      But we texted each other on and off for about 2 and a half hours this morning about nothing in particular. Lol. xx

      Liked by 1 person

    • It feels amazing. I’ve done more wanking in the last 3 months than in the rest of life put together I think (or at least it feels like that). But it does help me to have a real person/situations/possibilities to fantasize about…

      Liked by 1 person

  3. It seems we all just somehow kind of adapt to the circumstances we find ourselves in. It’s that or go without I guess. I’ve never really been one for fantasies, so if it’s not happening outside of my head, it’s probably not happening at all.


    Liked by 1 person

    • Interesting, I find it hard to fantasize when there is no concrete “target” or no stimulus material. Guess the differences are what makes life so interesting. But then you – or your alter – have that gorgeous collection of b & w photos which have provided to be quite stimulating for me in the past…
      Thanks for commenting ZeN, nice to “hear” from you…
      Indie x


  4. I enjoy much your posts about masturbation and toys and the role of fantasy in your playing. I deeply recognize myself in many of your comments; about imagination and a well-worked context as a main part of the pleasure, for instance; also your great curiosity and openness to try new things, discover new sensations and, then, deeply muse about them.
    No doubt, you are really special and I admire you for it. You make me reassured I should not fear growing older, relative to apathy and loss of aptness to enjoy sex in a big way.
    I like a lot the heading picture as well; peaceful and a bit distressing at the same time; with a nice ‘sfumato’ and this scratched-glass-look it has !
    A Kiss πŸ’œ πŸ’‹ !!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks lovely, I wouldn’t have bet that my sexual energies would arc up like this after so long without. But I’m so pleased it is a positive incentive for you going forward.
      A kiss back but alas no emoticons on this machine xx


  5. I absolutely loved your answer to Q1 – it resonated with me greatly. As I get older I’m realizing (and adjusting) that I can’t pin all my pleasure on one person (in my case my partner) and that the solution is ‘in my hands’ so to speak.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Nero, I’m delighted that my answer resonated. I’m beginning to realise how sold on coupledom as endgame so much of my sexuality is/was. Even kink is geared toward partnered activities. And while I’d be happy to fuck myself silly with my friend if he was willing, I’ve begun to realise how much I can do and experience in solo play, some of which just simply wouldn’t be on the agenda in partnered play including in a long term relationship. There is still stigma attached to masturbation as a lifestyle choice I’m sure one of the reasons I didn’t masturbate much before this was the unspoken thought that it was an implied critique of my partners’ ability to sexually satisfy me.
      Hopefully the younger generation are more flexible in their thinking (and maybe other ways too lol).
      Indie x


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s