Three songs and a hirsute man

The man, his music, the dope and the panel van became familiar territory in the succeeding months we spent in each others company. We made no pretence of love, but our non-monogamous relationship was, in the first instance, an anodyne to my sadness and eroded confidence.

Hot Buttons #9 Exquisite denial

As always we talked about anything and everything. This has been standard for some time now. There is little I hold back from him, and much I attempt to challenge him on. I make no secret of my attraction and he tells me things about his wild past that make me squirm – often but not always with frustration. I cannot tell if we are engaging in extended foreplay or exquisite denial (or both).


If I was able to get together with any of my exes it would of course be Ryan – although since he was the one who left that is extremely unlikely, and we’d probably have little in common nowadays. The ex I am most likely get back together with is Paolo – we still have a soft spot for each other – or more accurately for our memories of each other.

Hotel (part 1.)

It had been quite a few years since I’d last had a sexual encounter and in that time my clock had ticked over from late 50’s to 60 something. I qualified now for a “Seniors Card”, with a range of accompanying benefits. However none of the benefits included the entitlement (or the opportunity) to let my sexual appetite roam freely out of the cage it had been in …


What I saw both excited and appalled me. I thought that I’d long ago come to terms with my weight, my scars and even my aging but what I was now confronted with was the raw conjunction of those factors and my sexuality…